The Storm Breaks

  "Keep it together, man." I don't know how many times I've said that to myself in the last fifteen days. Literally out loud, sometimes. It has been an absolutely disasterous time for me day in and day out since the year started. I pretty much didn't sleep for the first week, and I lost seven pounds from not eating. It seemed like I just couldn't catch the slightest break, and that everything in my life was crashing down around me.

  No more.

  I've been through rough times before, of course, as anybody has. Hell, in the last couple of years, I've risked my reputation, my ego, my faith, and my very life. I've lived with tremendous heartache, unbelievable expectations and awful responsibility. I've had to remain emotionless and unattached when I wanted to feel. I've had incredibly difficult decisions to make. I've had to live for the first time with no plan and a temporary lack of control of my fate. I've endured a constant physical pain that I can't seem to rid myself of. Through it all, for the most part, I've kept my chin up and weathered it.

  One of the things that has helped me save my sanity is performance and art. I'm a very logical, problem-solving person, but I'm also intensely creative. I thrive on it. I've had the opportunity in the last year to further my acting, singing and photography, and I don't want to think about how miserable I would have been without those experiences and the friendships that have grown from them.

  As you may have read on previous blogs, I applied to the London Academy of Music and Dramatic Arts last month. Today, I was told my application had been accepted, and I was issued a date and time to audition for them in New York. 27 February, I'll be at what is arguably the most important audition I've ever had. I'm tremendously excited and terrified all at the same time. I'm taking a hatchet to my career with this plan, but it's something I can't deny myself. One of my favorite quotes is "A ship in harbor is safe, but that is not what ships are built for." True words, and the trade winds are blowing again. Time to take a different kind of risk.

  This coming week, I'll be performing in my final scenes for the public down at Studio. Wednesday, I'll start putting together my material for the LAMDA audition, which includes two constrasting monologues and an unaccompanied song. I haven't decided what to sing yet, but I'll probably go with something familiar given the short time frame. I have a CD with some good material on it, and a friend of mine told that one of her favorite songs for men to sing is on there. Maybe I'll give it another look.